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So I guess your wondering "WHO THE FUCK IS DAN AUSTIN" let me tell you now talk like that again about Dan your heading for death's door. Anyway Dan Austin is great hes like the WOW and I mean WOW.
Hierarchy of Importance
Jehovah
Jesus
Strawberry Fair
Let me (Sam) tell you from first hand experience what Dan Austin is like. Well it was strawberry fair and I was sitting with my mates having a smoke like usual soaking up all the great atmosphere when i noticed the clouds disperse and a bright white light channelling from the heavens everything was quite except the birds. Then from out of nowhere Dan walked by. He had his top off which, made everything better plus he had the best body i have ever seen. As he walked by the pavement turned to gold and glistened with the radiant light surrounding his perfect body and soul. The birds Flocked to him whistling their beautiful relaxing chants before resting upon his shoulder in the comfort of Dan. Everyone seemed to move as Dan walked by the crowds gave way and made circles for him to pass. It was pure ecstasy to even see Dan the taste of the air was so sweet and pure. All of my skin pimpled, it was like that first touch by the first love but only better! I felt at peace like there was nothing to worry about. The angels fell to Dan's feet their wings like palms made a path in front of him.
HE IS THE ONE, THE ONLY, HE IS EVERYTHING!! >> !!AUSTIN!!
Dan is my god, he is soooo great. I think being an Austinite is great you dont have to live by rules like other religions (cough) christianity (cough) just worship Dan Austin because hes great. I advice all of you to worship Dan Austin as he is great and it will only do you good! !!Austin!!
The day Dan visited Africa.
Now I don't believe in all this live 8 bullshit i think it's all a load of bollox. Why shouldn’t we exploit the poor it sounds harsh but why should we give them loads of money to help their CONTINENT when we have problems in our own COUNTRY that they could sort out and don't. Anyway after that outbreak, Dan was visiting a tribe, which had it pretty rough even for an African. Their water was non-existent their food scare's the Gazelles had run away. Everyday the elephants trampled their homes and crushed their lively hood. Dan saw this and decided to help. As Dan arrived the deserted baron sand swept landscape blossomed with bright pinks, blue, greens and limes. Springs of water burst from the ground with the might of meteors the deafening rumble of thunder. Clouds accumulated faster than a wink of the eye, blacker than night and unleashed buckets of water in one single drop. The land suddenly as fertile as a womb burst into action grain, lettuce, tomatoes and carrots towered over the land trees hung from the sky’s full of delicious plump fruits ripe all year round. Dan called for the animals and they came in there thousands porky pigs, carefree cows and lush lambs. As they all grazed and basked in the warm gentle sun Dan walked beside them with a long puny stick the animals never flinched or even wink they stared in amazement then continued to graze. With the stick Dan draw a squiggly line which, swelled, expanded and lengthened. The ground collapsed and turned to black silt filled river full of fish that jumped and dived. His work there was done he left with haste as the once poor African tribe sang his name in songs of praise and love they were no longer poor but richer than they had ever thought.
When Dan Visited the Terrorists
I’m not going to say my opinion on terrorism because i could get into trouble but i would never consider it. On Dan’s Travels he reached the borders of two countries at war one terrorists the other government. Huge, black craters littered the land, the sun shimmered from scraps of metal half out of the ground most stained blood red from the bitter conflicts. Nothing could survive in this Retched god forsaken place. Dan walked over the hundreds of sand dunes up and down up and down until he saw one side of the conflict which, looked like battered fortress with over fifty towers most in crumbles. It reeked of death everywhere until Dan walk by then a smell of fresh lavender replaced it marking the great trail of Dan Austin. Dan approached the fortress dressed in white. The tall intimidating gates burst open, dust rose from ground forming a blanket of mist nothing could be seen. The battered lifeless terrorists trembled with fear, their body’s frail, and their weapons almost primitive a reminder of how long they'd been there. A gust of wind hurled through the gate covering all of them all coughed and splattered as they deeply inhaled the thick sandy dust into their lungs. A Silhouette appeared from the gate with a blinding light behind it and it was huge. The shadow of the man grew and engulfed them all as they lay there trembling. Dan spoke in a deep loud voice "Put down your weapons". With every word the fortress-rattled boulders fell from enormous towers crashing to the ground. The sound of clanging metal was all to be heard as the terrorists dropped their weapons quickly to avoid annoying him. All the walls gave way in massive ditches and spewed in there place thick solid dirt walls too high for a mere man to scale. All was dark some started crying some stared to dig but nothing was to escape not even a worm. Dan Gave the Terrorists millions of weapons and ammo. The terrorists seemed confused by Dan’s gesture. Dan told them to fight among themselves kill who they want, live how they wish but, they shall be confined to this prison and their children until they are finished with blood bath. Dan disappeared from inside the walls and visited the government officials who eagerly watching what had just happened. Dan explained in a matter of seconds using only his hands what he had just done. The officials rejoiced and build a statue dedicated to Dan. Then he was gone.
Prayer to Dan Austin from the book of 'Austinite'.
Dan Dan he's our man, if he can't do it no one can,
Dan Dan he's our man, can he do, of course he can.
Dan is our father Dan is the leader and we our his
soul and heart believers.
Dan's the man with the master plan, we love Dan, we
love Dan.
If the world fell deep into space, Dan will be there to
help our race.
Dan Dan Dan.
(I call this song Dan)
When France Pissed Dan Off
As you can probably tell by the likes and dislikes page i really dont like the French their lazy, dirty, and too quick to ask. The time period for this story is medievil times so knights, kings, bows and arrows etc. The Day was coming to an end the suns rays beamed across the land on all the French crops giving them a yellow glow. The Plants basked in the warm heat as they grew slowly. There stood a hill on the flat vaste open land with a grand castle. The castle was at least 40 feet tall and the walls 20feet thick. It stood out for miles. In the middle stood a tower which reflected the light of the sun in every direction. The sound of the waves was all too be heard as the sun slowly drifted behind the sea. Just before the last hours of light 30 ships appeared on the horizon bearing the English cout of arms. The horns went the castle port cullis was slammed shut all the men could hear it. The English landed. As soon as stepped foot on the French soil the they were under attack. Arrows hurled down on them creating a blanket in the sky then only to fall above the English armys head. The sound of the metal clanging spread fear through the peasants. The English were loosing the army cut by half retreated to a near by dark old wood. Their they met a man but this was no mear man it was Dan. They saw this figure through the darkness and dropped to their knees. Dan instisted " rise sir knights, I sense a problem and I will make it right" with them words the sun shot back up as if it was midday. The French panicked and lit fires to hurl flamming balls of fire at the wood. Dan made it rain, the rain made it impossible to see. But the English trusted Dan as he is our father. Dan Spoke "attack now and i assure you that you will win". With this command the English sprung from the wood with what troops they had left. As they ran their armor clanged creating a sound so frightening the French began to beg for their lifes. As the English draw closer the castle appeared to sink. It was the castle was sinking from all the rain. The land had turned to marsh thick smelly marsh. It reeked of manure mixed with stagnant water. The English were now feet away from the castle walls. They waited for the castle to become level with the floor, then they prounced on the French and pillaged and murdered all of them except one who fled and ran. The English took the castle and it rose again this time higher and with rocks to support the bottom. Within seconds an army of thousands appeared from nowhere, all french. they stood trying to intimidate the English. Dan saw this and decided to get involved again. The skys grew darker whilst the rain still hammered everything under it. A strike of lightning hit the French leader square in the head. The french trembled as they saw they leader die instantly. Dan appeared in front of them. "You shall all die today, but maybe in the future you will realise when you have been conquered and drop to your knees and worship me in all my glory" Spoke Dan. The French suddenly dropped to the floor all of them hundreds of thousands on men all kneeling. Then they all gasped for air as it became so thin around them they died and sank into the swamp theat had formed below them.
